Thy Life is a riddle, to bear rapture and sorrow. To listen, to suffer, to entrust unto tomorrow. In one fleeting moment, from the Land doth life flow. Yet in one fleeting moment, for anew it doth grow. In the same fleeting moment thou must live, die and know.

Ifa's Journal

Last update: September 5th, 06:06

I've always had this notion that diaries (and, by extentsion, therapy,) should be a private thing, but nowadays when I think of it, I see no reason not to share if I'm comfortable with sharing. I always had some trouble writing in a diary because I wondered if voicing my thoughts to a wall really went anywhere? Posting somewhere public would solve that, and maybe by posting what I learn in therapy and things that work for me, I will inadvertently help someone else! This won't always be the case, as all humans are fundamentally different, and there will be times where my gripes and doom posting may upset other people! If you aren't in the headspace to read potentially sad or triggering things, I would say to avoid this journal! And, of course, thank you for checking my site out! Important names are replaced with Icons for privacies sake!

Sunday 13th of September 2026

Morning, 00:01 - 07:59

It's currently 4am and I haven't updated in a while! I'm not phenomenal at keeping a diary, wether it be physical or digital, but I figure that something written is better than nothing written! It's easy to remind myself that 50% is better than 0% but sometimes it's hard to put that into action, especially when I'm feeling tired or etc. As per my therapist's notes, I'm trying to keep in mind that I can't let my emotions dictate my schedule and life.

I've ran out of medicine so I've been unable to mark it off on my silly little reward chart, but the added side effect of a silly rewards chart is that I was able to ask for more medicine faster than I usually might! That being said, I should really contact my GP anyway because I'm not sure my antidepressants are doing much for me and I seem to be having some issues with my dominant hand hurting all the time...

At the very least, I've been drawing a little more! I'll dump my art in a collapsible so anyone viewing can have a little looksee, if they so wish :3

OC pictured is Teofila, a Goddess, in her own unique way.

A rendition of what I want my main page to look like when I get to it...

Heavensent Paladin, an adoptable that managed to sell quite well, YAY!

A little doodle of my friends oc that sits on beside my main Avatar during streams!

More adopts :D

A new reference for my Ancient OC, Lucifer!

And a new Icon for Luci too!

Some Art I did for a trade!

And one last adopt!

In other news, the latest update for FFXIV recently came out and I've been having fun poking around the new content! I also did the newest Story Quests and got a very delightful picture of my sweetpea, Happy.

Warrior of light that's saved the world a bazillion times over btw. Hes so my cutie ever though. I've been working on the new job that got introduced, Beast master, it's something I'm really excited for because Beast Master is a job in FFXI, FFXIV's MMO predecessor, which my dad has been playing longer than I've been alive and his favourite job is beast master! So I was I'm very excited to show it some love now! And I got some cute little Happy smiles from the cutscenes too. Not to mention, unlocking the job comes with many achievements! And I loooove collecting achievements!

Saturday. 5th of September, 2026

Morning, 00:01 - 07:59

Whoops, guess who's up at 6am, playing with Neocities? Me! I got a little carried away but it was mainly because my mother tasked me with buying her alchohol around 1am via uber eats, the shop put my name on someone elses order so we got the wrong thing and mum was yelling down my ear and really frustrating me as i tried to contact uber help. I reordered the alcohol after trying to reach the help and she calmed down but it just shouldn't have happened !! No one should like alcohol that much! but im chilling now, fixing my CSS and prettying up my code, there are still a few tweaks i need to make, like the colour that appears when hovering over a button, but all in all i feel pleased with the site thus far! I should go try to sleep now ehe,,,

September 4th, Friday, 2026

Morning, 00:01 - 07:59

I believe I was up until about 6am, when my mother decided to waltz in, likely drunk, and my parents have been arguing since, but I managed to get some sleep regardless, maybe 6am to 1pm. Found a song I liked and it inspired me to do some personal art of an OC!

Noon, 08:00 - 15:59

went about eating breakfast and whatnot in a daze, feeling sleepy, annoyed by the constant rumbling of an argument.

Evening, 16:00 - 00:00

I was supposed to stream today, as proposed in the schedule made by myself and my therapist but the atmosphere in the house felt like one that would very much not benefit a stream so I didn't. Instead I'm hanging out with friends and I worked a little on commissions!

Friday. 28th of August, 2026

Morning, 00:01 - 07:59

I had some difficulties getting to sleep, I felt tired at midnight, but stayed up a bit to mess with my neocities. then i tried to sleep at 00:40 but couldn't !! So took some medicine (Promethazine Hydrochloride, apparently melatonin is a big nono to perscribe in the UK .3.) that didn't seem to help! So I got to sleep around 2am? And slept til 1pm, at least it was better than not at all!

Noon, 08:00 - 15:59

I'm not entirely sure that this medicine is for me/having it's intended effect! I was only awake an hour or two before I felt superduper exhausted and went back to bed for a while!

Evening, 16:00 - 00:00

Woke up at 19:00 but just kind of lazed about in bed for a while until I felt hungry enough to make myself something to eat (Chips and chicken nuggets lol), but now I'm feeling all tired again and I'm kind of disappointed in myself for it because I have work to do! Work that I have already been paid for!

Thursday, 27th of August, 2026

I have trouble recalling things, and as such, something I am trying to put into practice, as coined by my therapist, is a mood diary for morning, afternoon and evening. For a while, I felt overwhelmed by the concept of defining morning, afternoon and evening and knowing when to write. I managed to somewhat solve this by simply dividing the day into thirds!

Morning, 00:01 - 07:59

Sleeping ehe!

Noon, 08:00 - 15:59

I awoke at 13:00, I should have gotten up earlier, ideally, but sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles! I had therapy with my therapist (duh) at 13:30, and ended up rushing myself a little, which, again, was because I should have gotten up earlier. We had a good conversation, in my opinion. We touched on the STOP and TIPP techniques because I had mentioned struggling with dealing with my anger in a proper manner, not to mention these things are to help with my anxiety. I won't go into full detail here, but I've provided links in those words so you can check them out yourself if you're curious!

Evening, 16:00 - 00:00

I can't quite recall if this was actually in the evening, but I started off the said evening feeling a bit frustrated. My friends and I were supposed to do some raids in FFXIV, but one friend got up and when we filled, he left, stating that he was worried about keeping up- then he came back before anyone took his place so it was a moot point, AND we had to find another DPS too > was upset about it and it's hard for me to not think she's upset with me sometimes, so I had to ask her in DMs :( Then went away and it was just and I! Which is fine, I like and we had fun! At some point though, I had to have a discussion with and she told me she felt like I only wanted to do EXs and no other content with her :( I was sad I made her feel that way! She's my best friend and I'd never do that on purpose! So we resolved it but discussions like that still take a fair amount out of me... AND THEN (because that whole conversation happened in text), sometime after had went, told me she would be back soon. I waited, ordered some food, and we accidentally messed each other about time wise and it was a little frustrating! But we did eventually play and now I'm writing this, prepping for bed!

Goodnight, Neocities! Thank you for listening!

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ITHAVOLL

Or Ifa if you prefer! Maybe even Robin!

I'm a 22yr old transman pre transition :( I'm hoping to get on T sooner rather than later but auh! This is my journal, documenting what will, hopefully, be my healing journery!

Wondering what those lyrics are from at the top? Here! Get some more of my favourite music from my spotify playlist ehe :D

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