July 18th 2026 - 14:45
Hello Neocities! It's been a little while! Not too much has been going on in my life, I've gone to my first therapy appointment and I have the dentist and jobcentre appointments soon. I've been in a huge minecraft phase atm but before that, I actually attempted on level savages and i've managed to do m9s and Most of m10s ! I hope to start progging m11s and m12s soon ehe... I just have to believe I can do it!
March 10th 2026 - 13:26
Hallo eveynyan! It has just been my birthday and i had a pretty good one! though it felt a bit hectic!! Around the end of february, i reached out to quinn and now we're friends again, yay!! i worked myself very hard, and still have many commissions to do, and bought her a train ticket to come here for a few days so we shared my birthday together :D
Let's see... On my birthday, I bought myself some birthday donuts and my friend Teppy bought me a game and doodled our ocs!! on the 6th, we went to asda and bought loads of trash (and matching teddies!), then we had Pho again, but we ordered in so no pretty pictures! And on the 7th, we went out to a chinese called Sweet Mandarin which specialised in gluten free things, since Quinn is celiac ! also. a donut.
Also as of, like, three minutes ago, I just took my very first antidepressant so! we shall see how that goes! hopefully well! I'm very scared of the two week period, I don't want to be mean to anyone eek!!
On a more nerdy note, I also finished up my first crafting relic in FFXIV and we got our FC house! (As a side note, I'd really like to figure out a new crafting and dragoon glam for happy, ive had the same crafting outfit for at least a year!) Our neighbours were very chatty which wasa bit scary for me! especially because they talked to me More before i had even decorated the garden!
I still have yet to make the airship again, i made a list on teamcraft and it requires like 700 crafts it's GROSS and i nono wanna UGH!!!
January 29th 2026 - 05:07
Hallo neocities ! I, again, have little good news, but the news that I have is that I made a new friend called Teppy (And lost all my other ones! lots of drama, sigh) and that i am now a battle mentor!
I also met teppy's friends and theyre all very nice but my anxiety is kicking my ass, I feel like im too loud and too much and just abrasive/annoying, its hard to deal with bc i dont feel like i can tell them bc i dont want them to feel like theyre stepping on glass with me and etc, but i have fun with them at least!
I'm having a lot of trouble drawing too, which sucks bc it feels like its the only thing im good at but what can u do.
October 21st 2025 - 03:19
Hi again, unfortunately I come to share little to now good news. The end of the year is coming up and everything is falling apart around me. I was rude to Quinn due to the fact I don't feel liked as a friend by her and now I've basically been cut off, while her other friends message and reprimand me for being hurt. They say I've been refusing to hang out consistently but I've looked through all our messages and there's only one instance of this and it was due to the fact Quinn was on a phone call, but said she'd play muted, and I didn't want to bother her, so said it was okay.
I don't understand where they got this idea from and I'm so hurt, I just feel like crying constantly. I wish I had happy things to say so badly but I'm just in a pathetic cycle of loosing people I care about and waiting for therapy. I told Quinn to contact me if she wanted and that I wouldn't bother her, but I have an inkling she'll never contact me again. I ruin everything, always, it's only a matter of time before I'm completely alone. Serposia, Thrashen, Mikey, Quinn, I fuck it all up and soon I'll probably mess up Zaif, Yato, Saga, everyone. I wish I could kill myself and not be a burden anymore. I'm not even brave enough to do that.
At the very least I guess I drew with Yato today, they draw such lovely art, it's truly beautiful. They drew my OC Cage for an OC I gave them and my WoL, Happy, out of the kindness of their heart and I appreciate it more than anything.
Happy looks like a silly hippie and I love it so much. That's all I have to share for the time being though! Thank you for reading!
October 6th 2025 - 15:36
hihi neocities, i just have some thoughts i feel like are better out than in so here i am. Basically, I woke up in a cold sweat from a really pathetic nightmare, I don't often have dreams I remember, maybe a handful of times a year, at most. But this is really sticking with me because it was about Mikey, my ex if you didn't know lol. I dreamt that we lived in a small rural town together and were happily in love, only he breaks up with me when he gets into an arranged marriage. He moves away and I desperately chase after him, wanting to get back together with some ye olde irl stalking. I'm not sure what exactly woke me up, since I can't remember the ending of the dream. Maybe Mikey's arranged fiance killed me or maybe the shock of my own actions (stalking) woke me up. I don't know.
Everything in me wants to reach out and talk to Mikey, to try to have a good relationship with no shitty secrets, but if I think logically, it's not really possible. I lied to him because I was scared he'd be angry at me, and later he lied for similar reasons, so he says, though I feel like I never got angry at him like that. I truly feel like I only ever treated him how he treated me, to a lesser degree, and i just feel so insane, like I can't do anything right. I want another try, to prove I can be a good boyfriend but really I'm just good for nothing.
Another semi-related things is just like. It feels like I have no one and nothing. My dad wouldn't understand, he'd lecture me about self worth and it'd turn into how bad of a person mum is. Zaif if busy, quinn is busy, half the people I think of reaching out to, i feel like don't like me, so I just sit and stew in my own emotions, waiting for therapy, waiting for the physiotherapist, waiting for someone. All my actions feel futile. Everytime I reach out and try to befriend people, i end up befriending people who turn out to be bad, and all the good people I ever met, walked into my life by themself. so i sit and wait and stew, i scroll endlessly for information about old friends, i pray that they'll reach out, i pray i can be a better person, i pray, i pray, i pray. And it's all for nothing.
September 29th 2025 - 23:56
hewwo neocities, im tired but im tryin to update bc i feel like getting my feelings out somewhere will help. I haven't felt good since a long time before mine and mikey's breakup tbh. I try not to say anything because I don't want to be a burden but honestly I'm in so much pain 24/7 and I feel like no one likes me, that i'm unlikeable altogther and it makes me wish I was brave enough to kms lol. My actions after said breakup feel deplorable as well but I can't seem to stop myself. I know I shouldn't and I do it anyway, i'm disgusting.
Anyway this was supposed to be a fun diary where i show off food ive eaten recently but man, i just wanna lay down and drop dead, goodnight neocities.
September 26th 2025 - 12:44
hola neocities, technically yesterday, i went out with my friend and we got some food and stuff which was nice !! idk why my happiness doesn't last though ;; as soon as I got on the tram home, I felt miserable. I'm also sad I forgot to take a pic of my green apple boba but not everything needs to be preserved as a JPEG. Regardless, I like taking pics of my food, tho my dad always laughs at me.
we've been talking abt trying tacobell for a while bc of the haha funny shitty american brand. it was decent, didnt really taste of anything! i rlly liked my five guys shake tho, it was salted caramel and the taste reminded me of old school milky bars which I enjoyed :)
Other than that, I've just been working on my FFXIV beast tribes and combat lvls, don't have much else to do these days ! thats all tho, ty for reading neocities user.
September 25rd 2025 - 06:24
hi neocities, today my cookbook and mic came yay !!
i was hoping to play with my friend and see how they thought my new mic sounded but she seemed disinterested and annoyed. And I just cant stop thinking about all the stuff that's happened. I want to be happy but my happiness lasts all of a second. I just feel so miserable, it's taking up every aspect of me. Anyway, tomorrow I'm supposed to get boba tea with an IRL so maybe i'll update with that !!
September 23rd 2025 - 20:12
hewwo, unfortunately I don't have much good to say at the moment. The last few weeks have been a series of shitty things that I just. Yeah. It'd hard not to cry and I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, I can't seek comfort in anything.
This month was my best friends birthday, i spent two months saving up for it, and we booked an airbnb for a weeks stay, only, they hit their head the night before they had to go so we had to cancel. I have incredible toothache from a filling and I'm being told it could last months. I got no money from universal credit for things outside of my control and have been struggling all month and, really miniscule but still upsetting, my amazon package got delayed which is frustrating because I have prime. And finally, I got broken up with and told a lot of bad things about myself.
I just feel so devastated, it's really hard to like myself right now. It was already something I struggled with but now it just can't think of a singular reason to be alive. I feel like everyone hates me, lies to me and keeps things from me and that my only role in life is to fill queues and be a last resort. I wish I had good things to update people with, not that anyone reads this as I haven't shared the link, but regardless. But at the end of the day, I lack the courage to kill myself so we trudge on, I suppose.
July 19th 2025 - 15:27
hewwo neocities, long time no see!! I've been feeling a bit disastrous so haven't wanted to update because I don't want to post negativity .3. however yesterday I made a shelf for my room !
Now I can display my bootleg miku in peace... I'm very happy with my shelf ! Also, a while ago, I was just AFK in FFXIV when I noticed Charity Fucking Nineheart looking at me (the character of a relatively big achivement hunter youtuber i quite like!), I snagged a silly clip but its nothing special.
It's a shame Occukt cresent hasnt been able to hold my attention when I'm solo because I'm only a tiny bit away from a full relic weapon- it's just boring solo and joing random parties is ass...
Also I drew a pretty man :3
I think thats all I have to update on! Nothing much ><
April 3rd 2025 - 15:27
hai neocities, i started playing Dandy's World on Roblox ! Originally bc my BF really wanted me to, but i dilsike survival horror, however, i got really fixated on the characters so now I'm liking it personally, and less with my BF bc my BF never VCs and expects me to type when he wants me to play which is really frustrating for me bc how the hell do I type when I'm trying to pay attention to monsters and skill checks.
He always tells me he'll VC and then doesn't last minute, it's really grating on me sigh. But anyway I dont talk abt him here because I don't like being negative in my journal, I want it to be a mueseum of my happiness. And while I could just delete this and not post it, I feel it's better to have vented somewhere and not bothered anyone !
Anyway check out my swag Looey Mastery
I will put a picture here later
I have so many comms rn but I keep feeling pained and under the weather so its hard to work on them, especially while being constantly interupted. Anyway im just complainin and i dont wanna do that so I will see u later neoshitties
March 27nd 2025 - 15:37
Halloo! i was gonna update a bit earlier bit didnt have much to say :3, but today I do have much to say because a very caring gift from my friend, quinn, arrived!
this is the cinnamaroll laptop case from tokidoki, with a blind box!! funnily enough, there was only one figure I really didn't want and I had a 1/9 chance to get him and.... I got him!! Literally so fucked up!!! but Quinn spent a fucking bomb on him so I love him anyway and I put him in my PC case to display :D
Every other figure is so much cuter but alas... I will love him anyway for he is a very expensive very thoughtful gift and I love quinn so much i teared up a littol.
the parcel also came with some stickers! I put them on my laptop because I thought they were kinda cute and I wanted to personalise my laptop more!
Okayyy I'm done being annoying YAAAAAWN so tired. Quinn you'll neva see this but I love you pookie ur da best.
March 9th 2025 - 01:33
hi neocities!! its a couple days past my birthday but i didnt update beeeecaaaaauuuuse---
look at this absolute beauty of a machine! my friend spent all day building her for me! the motherboard and case gave him a lot of trouble but he persevered for me and im so happy and thankful, genuniely i think this has been the best birthday ive ever had and im so happy i could cry!
On my birthday we went out to Pho for food and we had a really yummy meal- unfortunately my metabolism worked a-fucking-gainst me and i started needing to shit halfway thru the darn meal!!!!!
Quinn also bought me a new cinnamoroll buildabear cries!!!! i only need mocha n milk and chrimmy cinnamroll to complete my collection....
OH ALSO MY CAKE!!!!
tehee isnt it cute.... this post is getting to be SO LONG oops!! I'm just really happy and wanted to share! ALLLLSOOO quinn got a ych of out pookies which conviniently arrived around my birthday cries!!!
okayyyy i think thats all! for eel this time!! im sooo eepy! and so gleeful!! kicking my feet!! nini neocities!
March 5th 2025 - 02:48
its technically my birthday aaa wtf!! im 21! eek!!! i met my friend and we went to asda and bought a whole shitton of trashy snacks and they bought me a cute blanket ! then when we got home they asked if i wanted my present so ofc i said yes bc uhmmmmm impatient- and holy shit they gave me a whole ass laptop literally what the fuck !!! what the hell!!!!!!!!
im witewawwy sharting my pants rn idk how i'll ever repay them- just a bit ago i was whining abt prefering to write and code on a laptop and suddenly theres one in my fucking hands with a tower pc on the way, i feel greedy!! i feel like i have too much!!! sharting idk!!!
also my blankie gah !!!!!!
Febuary 5th 2025 - 06:06
you cant handle the uber instincts of my uber autism! observe! /ref
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i am the omni crafter ever!!! yippee!! also today i ordered a switch lite case for my friend and myself a mouse mat, im very excited and feeling okay about life atm !!! i need to ask my GP for diagnosis again and some help with possibly getting what i think is chronic pain checked out but they set up an appointment all on their own so yay me!!!
January 30th 2025 - 06:08
haiii neocities! ive been working on comms and levelling my crafters in FF recently! kinda demotivated from comms bc it feels like no ones interested but it must just be a bad month n whatnot!! anyways im almost done with crafter lvling, check out my autism!!
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Mad bc maintence started 8 mins ago so i cant continue to be incredibly autistic sighhhhhhhh- im running low on the crystals i need to craft too!! literally what the fuck!!! and im always broke in gayme, so i might do some gil commissions and i'd like to level my warrior so i can solo treasure maps for monie smiles, i think thats all my thoughts fer tonite! gnight neoshitties!
January 22nd 2025 - 16:12
Haiii! Happy late new year and christmas! It's been a while oops!! Over christmas, my Nana helped me put my desk together n now I have a newish setup! My birthday is soon and hopefully I;m getting all the parts to build an actually decent PC! I'm a bit fearful it wont happen so have been building up my own funds slowly- nothing wrong with having money in the bank, if it doesn't get used on parts, you can buy anything else!
hopefully it'll get cuter as time goes on but im pretty happy with it right now :) other than that my actual pc, the monitor to the side, always flickers on and off so I usually have my pc set to one screen only but today it was working long enough for a picture!
ive also been trying to get back into CS bc they make moneyyyyy and i need money and there was big drama already XD isnt that the way??
December 5th 2024 - 00:00
new mouse! tiring day tho, had a headache weh, but whateva yanno :) new mouse = 1 step to new setup! desk nect i think :3
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Also webfishing with mikey!
December 4th 2024 - 00:00
how today be feeling tbh
November 30th 2024 - 18:00
guyz i shitted myself over ffxi and almost cried, dat was totes embarrassing!! anyway im hanging out with quinn and quinn is awesome mmmwahhhhh, luv u quinn
November 29th 2024 - 05:00
IM STRUGGLING WITH FONTS SO BAD WEHHHH ;; BUT HERES A LITTLE COLLAGE OF RECENT STUFF WEEPS
November 27th 2024 - 12:00
Hi neocities im trying to make something cutesy!
Here r sum wips im workin on :) i wanna make cute frames for my wips but currently dont have the patients so a badly done blur will do for nowsies!
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